one last pie
by Axletia Rosonetis
Summary: A simple prank turns into a murder conspiracy. Oneshot.


_one last pie_

 _whoa i wrote two days in a row. i really love these gays._

 _prompts come from talesfemslashweek on tumblr._

 _Day 3 - Sunshine (yellow)_

* * *

Dark oranges, yellows, and purples spread across the horizon line and reflected against each blade of grass. The flowers glowed as well, making the field feel right at home. If it had been any other time, Velvet would be reminded of all the times the group would camp, avoiding the inns and saving some money while enjoying the great outdoors. She, Eizen, and Rokurou would go out hunting or fishing and would come back to a nice setup provided by Phi and Eleanor. Sometimes, while gazing out into the sunset, she'd pull out her harmonica and Eizen would pull out his guitar, and they'd have a pleasant jamming session before bed.

But this time all she could do was hold up her phone in the air and blankly stare at her text to Rokurou, an anxious ball of nausea settling right into her stomach.

" _i made a mistake_ "

"Heyyyyy, Velvet~ are you sure you don't want me to throw you the other half of this candy bar?"

Velvet looked to the left, imagining her partner with that stupid, trash-eating smirk that she always had, and shook her head to herself. "No, thanks, Maggie," she replied gruffly.

"Good, uh, 'cause I already ate it. Oopsie~"

The black-haired woman held back a smirk, too anxious to be amused. Enough was enough…well, that was her initial thought when she planned it. She would buy a pie from that Kanonno woman, knowing her cooking was the most god-awful, and give it to Magilou to create at the minimum extreme discomfort. When she agreed to Eizen making slight modifications to it, she thought she'd be ready for anything. She, more than anyone else, was tired of Magilou's frequent antics. There was the time her peanut brittle was turned into a can of garden snakes, the time her shampoo was switched with baby powder, the time her pillow was transformed into a talking ROCK-

But when she heard that Eizen had turned the pie into a damned ticking time bomb, her heart plummeted.

"Well, I mean, I don't think she'd be dead for long," the pirate said off-handedly, looking anywhere but Velvet at the time. "Edna and that Dr. Jude can bring her back piece by piece within a couple of weeks. We could go on vacation."

It sounded wonderful at the time. With one of them working at any given time, it was hard for the group to take much time off and still afford rent and food. Usually any extra money they had went to Magilou's frequent challenges to the law. She was such an extravagant, lazy, greedy pain in the ass, and she often butted heads with everyone, even Phi…but did she really deserve to die, even for just a couple of weeks? Eizen said she might come back a lot more subdued as well; he had experienced a similar phenomenon in his life, and, alcoholic issues aside, he was pretty reliable.

But…Magilou _did have her endearing moments…didn't she?_

 _"This is great! Just the three of us – you, me, and this brick wall you built between us! I feel like I'm all cozied up in my cell back in my prison days all over again!" the blond sang._

 _Velvet stared at the brick wall she had hastily built, not directly wanting to see the explosion happen. Too much blood and guts would remind her of her dayjob. There wasn't a bit of sarcasm in the witch's voice. Sometimes Velvet wondered late at night if breaking her friend out of prison really was the right idea. Sometimes it felt like Magilou lived and thought within a realm far from everyone else, and it was all-too frustrating. They'd spent countless sunsets together, and there was that one sunset where they ate leftover spaghetti and it felt more special than usual…she was in a pair of jean shorts and she felt so stiff, but her knee brushed against Magilou's knee, and it felt…different. Electric. Tantalizing._

 _Until Magilou stole her meatball right off her plate._

 _Swallowing a few curse words, she struggled to smile. "Y-yeah."_

 _"Not to make this all cheesy, but I'm really glad you invited me out tonight. I like sunsets. When I was a kid, I hated being the center of attention, which made sense 'cause my stinky poopoo dad always left me alone, but I was always surrounded myself with projects and books and other crap to keep me busy. The night always reminded me that at the end of the day, I was terribly lonely. I never wanted the sunset to end."_

 _"You don't really talk about your childhood…."_

 _"Tragic, isn't it? That I was a kid once. Cuter but less sexy than the current, beautiful, busty sexy me!"_

 _Velvet raised an eyebrow. "You're busty?"_

 _"Always been, Velvypoo. You just can't see it." Magilou let out a long yawn. "All this warm, fuzzy sun makes me tired. Cat naps are the best. After the sunset ends, let's take a nap and then go out for more Starbucks. Your treat, of course."_

 _"I keep telling you I can't afford Starbucks every day. You'll have to share a McDonald's black coffee with me and like it."_

 _"Haha, as long as it's free! Haaaaa, I'm so warm…"_

 _Grunting, Velvet threw her phone as far as she could and pressed hard against the ground. The sunset was going down and soon would be gone, and Magilou's guts would be everywhere. And she built that damned wall, so she wouldn't even see the blond's stupid smirk on her face before she blew up into a million pieces. Maybe, just maybe, if she saw that face one more time, she'd feel better about that decision._

 _She bit her lip until she could taste blood. There was only one way she'd feel comfortable about this situation._

 _Taking one more look to make sure no one else within a thousand yards was around, Velvet got up and ran up to the wall. It was definitely one of her shoddier jobs. Cement stains everywhere. All the bricks were uneven, too, which actually worked out in her favor for climbing. The things she did for… Sighing, Velvet lifted a leg up and stepped onto a brick, pulling herself up with every step. Her braid swished back and forth in the air like a whip, reminding her that whatever decision she made was probably the wrong one. There were only seconds left before relative darkness, but she had to see that face one last time…_

 _Her elbows bumped against the top, and she rested her chin, golden eyes piercing the landscape for her target. Bony arms and legs sprawled out, wearing that awful bright yellow and orange polka-dotted sundress, was Magilou. And those green cat eyes were filled with amusement and wide open as they stared at Velvet. "Gooo~tcha, sucker!" Magilou sang._

 _If Velvet survived whatever ordeal she was about to experience, she would never be nice to Magilou again, even in H-_

 _BOOM!_

 _The force of the brick wall exploding sent her flying backwards into a large pile of sand. Upon impact, Velvet felt the breath knocked out of her, as if Eleanor or Rokurou or Eizen got the best of her in a fight…except this was worse. Worse than swordplay, worse than humiliation. This was the sinking realization that, even for a short while, she had went so far as to stoop down to Magilou's level…and she had lost._

 _Above her Magilou danced around her, cackling. Velvet pulled herself upright and yanked at the blond's ankles. "What the hell was that?!" she snapped._

 _"Tut, tut, tut. You should know better than to outfool this fool." Magilou grinned, making a thumbs-up at her stomach. "This gut's been magicproofed and explodeyproof yeaaars ago. Many have tried, but none have succeeded. KABOOM! Only I can decide when and where I can blow up. Also, everyone else put effort into making their poisoned food taste good. Honestly, Velvet, pinecones and chocolate? Where did you find that pie, a gutter?"_

 _"So you knew…"_

 _"All this tiiiime~" Magilou finished. "I really did enjoy hanging out with you today, though, Velvet. You never get annoyed anymore when I bother you while you're work-iiiiiiiiing-"_

 _The blond landed on her back as Velvet dragged her across the sand towards the water. Magilou might have alleviated her loneliness now – it was always a full apartment, wasn't it? – but there was one other thing that she absolutely reviled – getting wet. She could struggle and scrape at the loose sticks and hermit crabs all she want, but she'd have proper vengeance acted upon her one way or another tonight. 'Velvet! Veeeelveeeet!" she whined, snot flying from her nose. "Why won't you make eye contact with me anymore when we make love?"_

 _They were inches away from the water. Magilou's long fingers tickled the water's edge. Velvet tilted her head, taken just a bit aback."We're not…we don't…stop being so lewd!"_

 _THUD!_

 _Dropping her grip on the pair of ankles, Velvet growled and stomped off, her braid whipping furiously behind her. It wasn't worth it. As long as…as long as she was alive in one piece, she'd call it even. For now. But before she could successfully storm off, she could feel two bony hands on her shoulders and a nibble on her earlobe. A nibble? "Thanks for feeling at least a bit bad for blowing me up," Magilou whispered in her ear. "Not everyone would show regret."_

 _"Y-Yeah, no problem…"_

 _Her ear was kissed. Magilou wrapped her arms over her shoulders, fingernails pressing into her shirt. "Hey, Velvet?"_

 _"Yes, Magilou?"_

 _"Can we still take a nap and go for McDonald's afterwards? I hunger."_

 _Velvet glanced over her shoulder and smiled. Really, their dynamic couldn't be any other way. "Only the darkest dirt for my stinky princess."_


End file.
